You see him on Sunday morning well dressed in his three piece suit and looking freshly anointed.
The picture you see is that of a cherub,
who has just arrived from the heavens with a message for the people and
would be back there soon after.
Once he starts to preach, the
congregation is overwhelmed with the awe he exudes. Because this is all
they know about him, some followers believe that is all about the
pastor.
Ask some Christians and they will bet
their life savings that their pastors have never visited the toilet, not
to talk of having sex.
Where on earth do they have the time for such things, they seem to assert in illusion.
They base their judgement on the fact
that usually, a pastor is seen praying, preaching or counselling; so the
average congregant believes he must be a super being, who never answers
to any call of nature – especially sex.
The pastor is perhaps the most misunderstood and over-rated being on earth today.
He is rated as a semi-god, incapable of
enjoying the pleasures that life presents him. This is so because he
rarely talks to his adherents about other areas of his life.
Saturday PUNCH asked some pastors and pastors’ wives if they have erotic feelings and sexual closeness with their spouses like other people.
They said the illusion that pastors don’t have sex life only lies in the minds of few ignorant congregants.
“Sex is a beautiful gift from God within
the marriage context. It is not possible for my husband not to have
sex. He feels the same way other men feel because he is human. It is the
food of our marriage just as food is to the body. We make it a regular
affair because the absence of it can negatively affect our relationship
and even his work as a pastor,” said Pastor (Mrs.) Kemi Olofinkua of the
New Anointing Deliverance Church, Anifowose, Ikeja, Lagos.
She said that both she and her husband
do not take sex for granted because starving one another could cause a
scandal, especially if not properly managed.
She said that she seldom turned down her husband’s invitation because strange women would willingly offer themselves if allowed.
Olofinkua said, “People who think
pastors don’t have sex must be funny. No matter the level of anointing, a
pastor needs his wife at home. The difference between a pastor and
other men is that he can cope whenever his work demands that he abstains
from sex.
“But it is dangerous to make him burn
with desire for sex without satisfying it with his wife. If this
happens, he could be pushed out into the waiting arms of many others
because pastoral work usually endears pastors to people – men and women.
As a pastor’s wife, I don’t take my husband’s sexual need for granted.
When he beckons, no matter how tired I am, I don’t turn him down.”
Similarly, Pastor Mrs. Shade Toyin-Kehinde said it is a fallacy to think or say that pastors don’t have sex with their wives.
She said, “Pastors are not woods. It is
the same with pastors as it is for other men. Sex is an integral part of
every marriage. It is anti-god to wish it away. A healthy, regular sex
is important to pastors because it makes them to maintain focus and
avoid falling on the laps of other desperate women, who wish to have
them because of the glory on them.”
She said that she makes it a point of
duty to ‘serve’ her husband, especially after he has done great
spiritual exploits, adding that a pastor who has a poor sexual
relationship with his wife would engage in extra-marital affairs.
She said, “If your wife has just served
you hot pounded yam and egusi soup before leaving home and someone then
offers you beans, you will naturally turn down the offer because you’re
satisfy. I don’t joke with my sexual relationship with my husband and I
never say no to him.”
Toyin-Kehinde, who is the wife of the
Pastor in charge of Agape Generation International Church, Maryland,
Lagos, said there should be no week without sex between a pastor and his
wife. She said a healthy sex in marriage enhances holiness.
She said, “The anointing attracts
goodwill and people. Some women in church get so carried away that they
tell the pastor ‘I just like you.’ The pastor’s wife must help her
husband to overcome these overtures by being there for him.
“My husband doesn’t flirt but we have
devised means to stay close always. Our offices are just side-by-side.
When a woman comes to him for counselling and she is not properly
dressed, he directs her to me. We preach healthy sex in marriage and we
practise it.”
She said it is unfortunate that some pastors pretend to be too busy to enjoy sex in marriage.
84-year-old pastor shares experience
Speaking from a male pastor’s viewpoint,
84-year-old clergyman, Rev. Moses Iloh, who is a Senior Pastor at Soul
Winning Chapel, Ebute Meta, Lagos, offered personal love experience.
Having been married to his wife, Love,
for 48 years, he said that a healthy sexual relationship, among other
things, has made him a very happy man.
He said that the secret of the erotic relationship between him and his wife is doing everything together.
Iloh said, “When we are 50 years in marriage, we will get married again; we did same when we turned 25.
“From the first day of marriage, we
bathed together, ate together, shared the same bedroom. Our bodies
belong to one another. With these activities, there can be no barriers
to a good sex relationship. We don’t starve ourselves of sex,” he said.
Iloh regretted that some pastors allow
themselves to be overtaken by temptation because they neglect their
wives in the name of being busy.
He said, “It is foolish for a pastor to abandon his wife because he is doing God’s work. His wife is his priority.
“If you take good care of your wife, she
will make love to you willingly. That is what I have been doing. I am
84 and very agile, happy because I have a happy home. Matrimony is the
happiest thing that happened to me. My wife is not around now but
wherever I am, I am always rushing home to be with my wife, friend and
confidant.
“People who run into hurting relationships are open to illnesses and may die young. They should seek help.”
‘Pastors crave more sex than others’
Another male pastor, Pastor Bisi
Adewale, said that nothing could be farther from the truth than
believing that pastors do not have sex with their wives.
He said pastors crave sex just like every other man and there should not be any pretence about it.
“My wife is not available right now; she
would have told you more. Pastors demand for sex more than men who are
not pastors because they have only one wife to turn to. The fact that we
are pastors doesn’t eliminate our biological make up. There should be
no pretence about this matter.
“I heard of a pastor who said he was
looking for God’s power and abstained from his wife for more than 10
years and a prominent pastor in the country had to travel to Port
Harcourt to settle the issue. His wife needed him, but he wasn’t there.
He didn’t get her consent to go on a long period of abstinence to fast
and pray to seek the power of God. His wife had to resort to the use of
vibrator.”
He gave another instance when a pastor
abstained from his wife for a long time to seek power until his
mechanic impregnated his wife.
He said that pretending about the need for sex is a major cause of scandals in ministries and it should be avoided.
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